Today’s song is in a rather different form than what we intended. Actually, what would have been really perfect for this week would have been, as our brother-in-law so aptly suggested, the song:
This sign hangs in our back hallway. I always like to keep it up a bit past Christmas as the winter continues, but yikes this week’s polar vortex was a doozy. What was it – a 23 year record? I think we Minnesotans should all get badges, or certificates, or some sort of award just for living here.
That isn’t our song for this week though. Our song is “You Raise Me Up,” made famous by Josh Groban. You get an inside peek at a more rough version than we had set out to produce. Ups and downs and sideways brought us on a detour of a journey.
These weekly songs and emails have become an axis for us, centering our focus and helping us learn more about the people with whom we share our music. Even though perfection is intentionally not one of our goals, we do usually like to give something that is free of, well, counting aloud. But that is what you get here – more of a rehearsal run through. It was the scratch track that we listened to for recording the separate tracks to combine a la technology. Oh technology. The words of this song have grown into something intensely personal for us this week and the thought of scrapping it all was ridiculous. The crazy thing is that the quality of the sound was better in this quick simple sit-down-and-sing recording than all of the fancy things we were trying to do to make it greater.
Technology wasn’t our only trouble.
A deep darkness enveloped me. The tears flowed and screams flew and everything looked impossible.
As time passed, as dust settled, and as teeny tiny slivers of the suggestion of an inkling of a possibility of the shadow of hope eeked their way toward me I began to breathe a little more.
I was down. I probably will be again some day.
I was weary. That’s inevitable.
I was troubled. There’s always something.
My heart was burdened. The weight is just too much to bear.
So I sat. Slept. Drove. Sat some more. Slept some more. Waiting. Waiting for it to pass, for the fog to lift.
This week Nathan met me. My mom met me. And in them, God sat with me.
As my breaths became deeper and my steps became surer, I was met again. I’m not one to always tout the “no such thing as coincidence” line, but you have to admit that this morning could not have been a more perfect time for this particular podcast meditation that I selected. We had already planned on releasing this song. We had endured the bumpy road of the recording snafus and personal wreckage. As I listened, on my yoga mat, I was stunned at the timeliness.
Here are some of the words that hit me most…
“Expect to be distracted by the earth.”
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
“God might use you to help someone else lift their eyes from earthly noise and chaos to heavenly peace. How can you help someone else experience what is above?”
“Lord God, help me choose what is above.”
“You have been raised up with Christ, so keep seeking the things above.” (Col 3:2)
I want so badly to manage myself well. I want to be productive. I want to be positive. I want to be hopeful. And I want to not fight my war with depression on a regular basis.
Sometimes my mountain is about the size of a step stool, but compared to the hole I just crawled out of I practically scaled Everest. Sometimes my stormy seas are about the depth of a full sink of dishes, but I might as well have surfed a tidal wave. Sometimes the shoulders I stand on are themselves shaking with sobs.
And in our quaking togetherness we become more than we can ever be on our own.
If this song touches you at all, would you be so kind as to share it with someone who may need a lift? Would you, through this, sit with them and wait?
“You Raise Me Up” (Words and Music by Brendan Graham and Rolf Lovland)
When I am down, and oh, my soul’s so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit a while with me.
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.
A couple other songs of ours that you may like:
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